I am a negative person. I always think that bad things would happen any way, even when something good is happening. When I am healthy enough it is okay. When I am caught by the negative thought but still healthy, I can do something to make a situation better. But when I am too tired to do something it is not okay because I cannot do anything to stop that negative thinking.
When I was a student I could do something when I had troubles. Now as I have a job other than creating music, I do not have enough time to do everything. In other words, as I started working, I started to lose control on many things. My negative thoughts were solved by hard work and therefore controllable. But when I do not have time I cannot do anything and I started to feel incompetent.
Now I realize that what I have to do is to accept the fact that there are so many things I cannot control. I should not try to control things that I cannot control.
This is also true for music creation. I cannot do what I cannot do. I cannot be Kanye West, Dr Dre, etc. From a different point of view, they cannot do what I can do. I know that I cannot be as popular as them. But that is nothing to do with my ability to create music. It is just the matter of something I cannot control.
If anyone reading this blog feels something like I do, I hope this blog can make you feel better.
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